The day dragged on it seemed. I reported to the aid station with the rest of the medics and noticed there were some unfamiliar faces among us. These were either newbies or some that had been transferred to us from other units that had been downsized. Downsizing was going on all across Europe; Army units that were garrisoned in Germany and surrounding areas for Cold War duty assignments were being deactivated and their personnel were being dispersed among other units or sent stateside. Most soldiers who had been in longer and nearing retirement took the early out option. The process started just before our deployment and we had some of the new soldiers end up with us in Dhahran or Riyadh; but for the most part, the others were rear detachment while we were deployed. For the ones of us who came to Shipton Kaserne that snowy day just nine months earlier, we felt like seasoned veterans. Martinez, Donnelly, Arms and a couple others who had been at Shipton before I got there were still with us for a while, so I know they must have felt seasoned. We made some small talk, but it was obvious that our attention was elsewhere...somewhere other than Shipton.
After several hours, we had another formation. It was around 1800 hours or so and everyone had confinement fever. The lost weapon had been recovered, thankfully, and was in transit back to post. One problem solved. The other issue was the lost luggage that had still not been located. It didn't matter; once we got the all clear, I was Goose bound with the posse. The sky was darkening and the air was bitterly cold; a far contrast to just twenty-four hours earlier. Walking was probably out of the question. I need to find a ride to the Goose. Who would be there? Would Moni be waiting for me? If she wasn't, what then? All these thoughts ran through my head as the commander gave us the usual safety briefing. When the commander gave the call, "platoon sergeants, take charge of your platoons," the anticipation nearly boiled over. We were dismissed and all of us let out a thunderous shout. We ran into the barracks and nearly ran each other down as we hit the stairwells. I changed clothes quickly and ran down to the shopette, only to be greeted by a line a mile long. The beer cooler was nearly sold out by the time I got to it, but I was able to score a six pack of beer to start the night off.
I went back upstairs, opened the first beer and savored it. Ace was laying on his bunk watching sports on TV while I prepared for the Goose adventure. I asked if he was going out, but he said he wanted to just stay in. Apparently, not much had changed with Ace since August. He was still a slouch. I drank two more beers and walked down the hallway to meet with the other guys. No one was available to drive us, so the command decision was made to foot it to the Goose, no matter if hypothermia set in on us. I carried my remaining beers with me as we, the motley crew we were, exited the rear gate. Gosh, it felt good to be back, even though I had kinda despised the place before we deployed. At least the only threat we had at Shipton were the rabbits or farmer Herman's sheep...or the concoction of human and animal waste fertilizer spread on the field outside the perimeter.
We arrived at the Goose with grandeur, well, at least in our minds it was grand. The place was packed with people; many of the guys from the battalion had already arrived by the time the posse had arrived. Shouts of welcome back rang out and rounds of drinks were ordered by the guys already there soon after our arrival. I immediately looked for Moni and Mary. I thought they would surely be there waiting somewhere. I wound my way through the mass of people to the DJ booth, which was in the back center of the room and gave a fairly good view of the place. The music was pounding techno music and the lights were mesmerizing. The crowd on the dance floor seemed transfixed on the beat and beams of light that pierced the hazy room. I looked carefully over the room, but still no sign of Moni. The patio was closed due to the weather, so I knew she wasn't outside. I looked at my watch and it was only 2100 hours; still early in the Goose time zone.
After a while, I found the posse and we began to hammer down some alcohol. I got buzzed very quickly because all that time sober killed my usually high tolerance. The Goose was just as it was before we left; packed far beyond capacity with hot headed, drunken soldiers and pretty young German girls. Eventually, the inevitable brawl started and spilled out into the parking lot. For once, I didn't follow the mob as they rolled out the front door.
We all continued to drink as the night grew on, but I was getting hammered quick. I slowed it down a bit and looked around again for Moni, with no such luck. I felt hurt and angry at the same time, so I started slamming drinks again in rapid succession. I started to feel sick after a while, so I slowed down again. I remember walking around and seeing a lot of people who I used to see at the HHB parties. They all seemed to remember me for the most part. I walked up to a group of people whom I recognized and saw a girl I had seen and blurted out, "hey, I know you!". The girl was shorter than me and had jet black hair. She just smiled and replied, "do you now?". Before long, the two of us started chatting it up and dancing together. I still looked around to see if Moni was anywhere in the building, but she hadn't showed up. It was well known when we would be back from Saudi, everyone seemed to know, from the German locals to the Katterbach guys. Moni should have known when I would be back, and I had even written her one last letter a couple of weeks or so before I left Khobar telling her when I was expected to be back. I kind of figured this would happen, or I'd see her with another guy. All the well, I seemed to enjoy present company.
The girl I was talking to was named Christina. She had been to the parties at the barracks a few times, and I had seen her at the Goose. I actually knew her friends, Cindy and Tanja more than I did her, but I hadn't forgot seeing her. She was, as I said, a bit shorter than me, a little heavy set but not obese and not too bad looking. We talked all night, and I'm sure I spilled my guts about my frustration with Moni and how the deployment had went. When it came time to go, I gave her a hug and told her I'd see her around again. When we walked outside, the air was absolutely frigid and being that I was sweaty from being inside the Goose, it was brutal. German winters are notoriously cold. I started walking toward the back road to Shipton, hunkered down to shield myself from the cold wind. Christina pulled up next to me and yelled for me to get in. The passenger door opened and Tanja was sitting in the seat, so I just spilled in on her lap. Christina drove off into town and I told her I wanted to stop at Hai Life, that she could go on if she needed to. We stopped and Hai Life wasn't too packed, in fact, it was quite dead. I made a round to see if I knew anyone and left quickly afterward. That fiberglass shark was still hanging on the ceiling...one day, shark...one day.
Christina, Tanja and I packed back into the little white Volkswagon Rabbit and headed out once again. Christina had already promised to take Tanja home, so I was along for the ride. I was feeling a good buzz still and as we whizzed down the road, the trees blurred outside the window, intensifying the buzz. I hadn't drank myself into total oblivion as I normally would have. I guess it was where I had to pace myself to keep from vomiting everywhere and ruining a good night. Or maybe it was because I had hoped Moni would show up and I didn't want to be blitzed when I saw her. Oh well, whatever the reason, I was okay with it.
We took Tanja to her home somewhere outside Ansbach, and I had to get out to let her exit the back seat. As she got ready to leave, I just grabbed her and kissed her, don't know why, but I did. She told Christina to "be careful" and disappeared into the house. It was nearly three in the morning, my buzz was starting to wear off a bit, and I was tired.
"Where the crap are we," I asked Christina. She told me, but I had no clue where we were to be quite honest. I asked her where she lived and she told me a town called Burgbernheim, which was about 20 minutes or so from Ansbach; in the opposite direction we were at presently. I told her that she just needed to stay in the barracks rather than drive back as late as it was, that I'd sleep in the floor. We got to the barracks around 0330 and Christina left her ID card at the front gate. I really didn't think she would go into the barracks with me, but she did. There were a few guys milling around in the hallways still drinking, but I was worn out. We got into the room and Ace was snoring away, quite loudly, too. We laughed at him and made snippy remarks about his bodily functions as he slept; unconscious flatulence I called it. Christina laid down in the bed and I prepared to sleep on the floor next to the bunk. She laughed and told me to get off the floor, that she wasn't going to rape me or anything. I crawled into the bed and before I knew it, we were making out. There was an attraction between us, but I still felt bad because of Moni. Eventually, we fell asleep before daylight.
We woke up sometime late the next morning, my head was still a bit fuzzy from the night's buzz. Christina was lying there smiling and there was a moment between us. I don't know how to describe it, but we just visually connected. Ace groaned loudly and broke the moment, causing us to laugh. He rose up and was just in his underwear and quickly said, "oh crap, oh, oh! I didn't know you brought someone home!". He was clearly embarrassed and we were clearly amused at the sight. I threw the blankets over Christina and my head and we laughed out loud.
"Go ahead, man, go on and get up," I quipped. I could hear Ace scrambling around and mumbling to himself, in apparent disgust in his embarrassment. Then, I got a bit concerned. What if Moni came by for a surprise visit? We had to get up and get going; well, Christina needed to get going I thought. I told her I had to get stuff ready for the next duty day and was still adjusting to being back in garrison. A not so subtle way of saying, "yeah, you need to get outta here before you know who shows up". Christina agreed that she should go and said she needed to get back to Burgbernheim, quite possibly picking up on my uneasiness. I walked her down to her car, hugged and kissed her. I told her that I enjoyed her company and that I hoped to see her again sometime. My God, what was I doing? I still technically had a girlfriend! I dismissed any thoughts of guilt, mainly because of that connection we had made. I still can't describe what it was, but it was there. Plus, I was starting to get a little mad about the whole Moni thing anyway.
It was Sunday and I had felt like the past thirty-six hours had been a week long. There wasn't much of a time difference, so jet lag wasn't a factor. It was the return trip and the long night at the Goose that finally came crashing down on me. I spent the afternoon washing what little clothes I had and preparing a uniform for the next day. When I got my desert uniform out of the dryer, I held it up and looked at it. A realization came to me while looking at that tan and brown uniform; I had grown so much as a medic and had done so many things the past year and three months. I pressed and placed the uniform on a hangar, ready to store it away for later viewing. Later, I went to the mail room and there were boxes lined up neatly along the walls with numbers on them. I opened my mailbox and there was a slip of paper with numbers written on them that corresponded with the numbers on the boxes. I found my boxes, which contained my stereo, CD's, tapes and some other items. I was glad to see them, but still concerned about my other bag that was long lost. I had some of my favorite concert shirts from back home in that big green bag, along with my jeans and favorite pair of boots.
The first post deployment Monday morning wake up was as it always had been in Shipton; 0530 in PT formation for our Monday Motivational Run. It was frigid out and my body was still not acclimated to the sudden change. The run was three miles and the crisp air burned my lungs, but unlike before, there wasn't a hang over lingering. The run actually felt good once I got into it. Maybe I'd slow the drinking down a bit, I felt good for once during PT. I had been sober for four months, with the night back being the exception. I hadn't got wasted in Bahrain and had ample opportunity to do so. Maybe I would turn a new leaf and behave. Maybe.
We had filled out paperwork prior to leaving Saudi for our block leave for Christmas. I had accumulated almost a full three weeks of leave, but was only allowed to take two weeks due to the other soldiers' leave schedules. I found out that my leave was approved and I was ecstatic. I would be home for Christmas! I hadn't told anyone at home I was indeed coming home since I didn't really know for sure. I called home as soon as I could and told mom the news, but I didn't want her to make a big deal of it or tell a bunch of people; I wanted to just show up and surprise everyone. It had been a year since I was back home and I had so much to tell everyone. My leave would begin on December 18, and I would have to return no later than January 3. They allowed two days grace period for overseas travel because of the time differences. I went to the travel company in Katterbach and Micheala was my travel agent. I hadn't seen her but maybe once or twice since the Metallica concert but she hadn't changed at all. Travel tickets and vouchers in hand, I was ready for the next week to end. Only problem, the lingering elephant in the room, I still didn't have my clothes or bag. That finally changed the next day or two when we were notified that some of our bags had been recovered and returned to the battalion. We reported to the motor pool to retrieve our belongings and there was a pile of green bags in the floor; not neatly organized like our other packages. I found my bag finally and it had holes scuffed in it and what looked like pieces of asphalt embedded in it. For the most part, everyone got their bags back, with only a few exceptions. We were told the plane loaded with the bags was trying to make an emergency landing and hit the runway hard, skidding off into the ground. My bag smelled like diesel fuel and there was a stain on the side. Aside from the holes, it was intact. I just wondered how my clothes looked after the condition the bag was in. Once I got to my room and opened the bag up, I noticed some of my clothing was damp, and only one shirt smelled of the diesel fuel. Everything would have to be washed and rewashed but I got it all back.
During my off duty time, Christina was starting to come around more and more. I told her about Moni, but she still kept visiting. It was beside the point that almost a week had went by and still no word from Moni. To me, that meant she wasn't interested in me any more. Then, it happened. Christina was at my room and we were watching a movie with Ace when there was a knock on the door. Call it intuition, karma, or just plain expectation, but I knew it was Moni. Ace opened the door and closed it almost immediately and shot me a stare or pure bewilderment. I was already almost to the door and eased it open enough to slide out into the hallway. Moni and Mary was standing there and my blood went cold. I told them we should go to the kitchen area and talk.
Moni hugged me and said, "I'm here," with no further explanation of why it had taken so long to come see me.
"Where were you," I asked. She turned to Mary, and Mary translated my question into German.
"I'm here now," was Moni's reply. I don't know if she didn't understand my question or what was going on. Before I left for Saudi, she seemed to understand English pretty well, but now, she was using Mary to translate for her. I had so many things I wanted to say; about how angry I was at her, how disappointed I was, how confused I was over all this. All I could muster out was that I had moved on. Mary shot me a look to kill when I said that. Moni stood there looking like nothing had been said. I looked at Mary and told her, "tell Moni that I moved on. I hadn't heard from her, and I have been back for a few days now. I'm sorry." Mary told Moni what I had said, well, at least I think she translated, and the expression on Moni's face drastically changed. Mary grabbed Moni by the arm and they left. I felt relieved, but also bad about the situation. I walked back to the room and sat down next to Christina. I told her what had happened and that I needed to process it all. She left, a bit upset at me, but I needed to filter through the thoughts in my head.
The days before my leave were somewhat busy. We had to get things back in order as far as equipment turn in and medical records returned to the 526th Medical Detachment. In addition to that, we had to get everything cleaned and inspection ready. Some people had already started their leaves, so not much more activity was going on throughout the battalion. There were no field exercises scheduled until after the new year, and starting in late January or early February, some of us would be going to work at the 526th for a 90 day rotation. This meant clinic duty, and exemption from the field. I hoped I would be one of those selected after I got back from leave. During the day, we did the usual PMCS of our vehicles, which stayed parked for the most part. We drove them around the battalion from time to time to keep the tires from becoming flat spotted. The aid station wasn't really disorganized due to the rear detachment soldiers taking care of it. On my nights off, I stayed away from the Goose, mainly because I didn't want to deal with the personal drama that may have presented itself. I noticed that the guys who usually had the big barracks parties or practically lived at the Goose were lying low. Maybe the Saudi deployment made us grow up a little bit? Who knows.
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| A traditional German Christmas Pyramid |
My leave was starting to get closer and Christina volunteered to drive me to the airport in Nurnberg. I had an early flight, which meant we would have to get on the road by 0400 to make check-in. The days prior, I packed my bags and prepared for the trip home. packing bags had become a routine task by this time. It seemed I was always packing bags to be on the move. There was a certain way to pack ruck sacks and our big green duffel bags to optimize the most items to be placed in them. Even now when I pack to go somewhere, I find myself rolling my socks and underwear. I called home the day before I left for the States to let mom know what my flight plan was going to be so they could arrange my pickup. I was going to leave Nurnberg, stop over in Frankfurt, then to Louisville and finally to Lexington. At least I didn't have to deal with Atlanta airport; I always disliked flying in there. The night before I left, Christina stayed at the barracks with me so we could leave straight from Shipton. I gave her my parents' phone number just in case she wanted to call me while I was back home. We got up around 0330 and started loading the car. Overnight, a steady snow had started to fall and the air was bitterly cold. I was glad to see the snow when we got off the plane from Saudi, but by now, the cold and snow had outstayed its welcome in my opinion.
We trekked to Nurnberg and in many places, the roadway was covered in snow. Back home, people would crawl at a snail's pace, but not Christina. We sped on down the road. I guess when you are accustomed to weather like this, it's no big deal. We stopped off at a gas station somewhere between Ansbach and Nurnberg and it started snowing harder. I asked Christina if she thought the flight would be delayed, she said she doubted it. I was due to fly out at around 0830, so by her calculations, we would be at the airport by 0615 or so; plenty of time to check in baggage and relax a bit. We arrived at the Nurnberg Flugplatz and I started unloading my bags. After check-in, there was some down time, so Christina and I walked to the shopping area and grabbed a quick bite to eat. I remember saying something along the lines of "well, are you going to forget about me too after a couple of weeks" which resulted in a quite angry look from her. It was mostly a joke, but had some truth to it. Finally, it was time for me to go to the terminal gate. I hugged and kissed Christina and told her I would call her when I got settled in at home. Then I said, again, jokingly, "and are you going to be here to pick me up in a couple of weeks?". Yeah, I had to dig that dagger in just a bit more for sick and twisted humor's sake.
The flight to Frankfurt was short, and I didn't have to change planes, so I fell asleep while waiting. I was awakened by someone sitting beside me. He was a large framed black man in civilian clothes and he looked at me, nodded, and said, "hello private". I was in my Class A uniform, so it wasn't too hard to figure out I was a soldier. The plane took off and headed west toward the Atlantic and I eased back in my seat. Air travel was starting to be a bit more routine for me by this time; my anxiety wasn't near as bad. During the flight, the man next to me asked where I was headed and what unit I was part of. He said he was also in the Army and had been in Germany for three years, and was going home to St. Louis for leave. We chatted for a while, then when the stewardess came by, he ordered the two of us a small bottle of Jack Daniels. We toasted the Army and "being all we can be" and drank the whiskey down.
The flight was uneventful, and I slept most of the way across the Atlantic. I woke up while we were about 300 miles from Newfoundland according to the map on the screen. Everything with the flight was going as scheduled, with just a minor delay in our expected arrival time. When we entered North American airspace, I let out a silent sigh of relief. I was almost on the home stretch again...Homebound. A few hours later, we were in Kentucky, descending into Louisville. It was starting to get dark out as we landed. The man next to me said good luck and it was good talking to me as he started to exit. He shook my hand as he stood up and said, "private, keep your head up and do good things. Who knows, fifteen years from now, you can be a first sergeant like me". I sat on the plane and waited anxiously for the short hop to Lexington. The flight was running about twenty minutes behind schedule and it had started raining. After several more minutes, we were cleared to take off. I was excited and nervous about coming back home. As we were in the air, the pilot told us that the rain was starting to change over to sleet and freezing rain, and our arrival into Bluegrass Airport would be within twenty minutes. Like the other time I flew from Louisville to Lexington, the plane didn't get too high in the air. The lights below were plainly visible in the dark, and a glisten of slushy moisture was starting to accumulate on the plane's window. Before I knew it, we started our approach into Bluegrass Airport. The plane touched down and seemed to accelerate some before it slowed. The runway was wet and I could see the precipitation had increased as we made the turn toward the gate. I was on home soil, just forty miles more to go.
I walked down the gangway to the door, mom, dad, Dee Dee, Norman and Casey were waiting for me. It was so good to see them again. I was worn out from the trip and it was getting late, plus the weather was starting to deteriorate rapidly. We piled into the car and headed to Owingsville, local time was around 8 p.m. Mom told me that she hadn't said anything to anybody about my leave, but wanted to play a prank on my cousins Jason and Matthew. The ruse was that she would call and say they had received a package and needed to come pick it up. The road trip was interesting; sleet and freezing rain pelted down on the car's windshield as dad drove cautiously. I couldn't help but laugh because Christina had driven so normally on the snow covered road to Nurnberg. I hadn't really said anything about Christina to anyone at home because it had been so soon and things were so hectic at Shipton. I wasn't quite sure I wanted to tell them I was starting to get involved with someone else just yet; plus I didn't know if I even wanted to get involved with someone again.
We arrived in Owingsville just as the sleet tapered off a bit. I dropped my bags in my old bedroom, which was still pretty much as I had left it, although now mom and dad were using it to store things. Mom called Ruth and set up the ruse for Jason and Matt. Several minutes later, we heard a car door shut outside and I went into my darkened room and closed the door. Ruth, Jason and Matt came in and made some small talk. Ruth asked if mom had heard from me, and mom told her that yeah I had called and didn't know when I would be home, probably after the first of the year. She then told Jason that their gift was in my room that it was too big for her to move. Jason and Matt opened the door and looked in. I was standing in the middle of the room, silent. Jason looked around and said, "where's the light," I spoke up and said, "you have to turn the bulb". Jason didn't clue in immediately, but it hit him shortly after. The ruse had worked, and they were all greatly surprised. The last time I was home, I didn't spend any time with Jason and Matt, even though we had been so close growing up. This time home would be different; no running around from place to place. I was going to spend time with my family and close friends on this trip.
I had frequently stayed overnight at the Vice household over the years and Jason asked if I would come over and stay again while I was home. I agreed, but wanted to stay at mom and dad's and sleep in my old bed again for once. I woke up the next day and mom had her classic gravy and biscuits and bacon ready for me. Outside, there was a couple of inches of snow on the ground; great, I had brought it with me. Later in the day, I called Jason York and told him I was home. He came up and we decided to make the best of the snow by going to his parents' farm and sledding. The farm was way back off the grid and had this large open field. We found an old car hood and some rope, tied off to Jason's brother's ATV and spent the day being tossed wildly across that field. It was good to be home. A day or so later, I went to the high school just before their Christmas break to visit those I knew who were still there. I walked down the hallway as classes let out and blended in with the crowd, catching up to a group of people. I walked behind them, listening to the conversation and then broke in like I belonged with them. It was funny to see the reaction from them and everyone else I encountered that day.
The next day, it snowed again. The temperature was bitterly cold and the wind would seemingly cut one in half. No one stirred in town, so it lessened my opportunities to run rampant as I did the first time I was home. I spent the night at the Vice household and played video games most of the night, just like before I left. Jason is two years younger than me and we grew up together. Jason's dad was a Vietnam veteran and had been wounded in combat. He never talked about his experience, and once when Jason and I were younger, we found his Class A uniform and his Purple Heart medal. Jerome told us to put them away and to never get them out ever again. Jason wanted to go into the Army, especially after I had left. The evening was good for all of us, but it was apparent that I was grown up and the days of being carefree kids in the basement playing war games or Nintendo were over. That was probably the moment I knew life as I had remembered was very different than the life I was living in that moment.
We celebrated Christmas at home as a family again. It felt so good to be home for the holidays among family; and felt good to be there with no lingering hangover. So far, the trip home had been relaxing and a sober one, but I still had a bit longer to go. Christina called me a couple of times while I was home, but the time difference made it difficult and unsettling a few occasions when everyone was awakened by a ringing phone at 2 am. The new year was fast approaching and I planned on bringing in 1994 as I had every other year; watching the ball drop with mom. Nineteen ninety-three was closing in a whirlwind. So much had went on with my life in those twelve months; I had been so many places and had met so many people. This trip home only solidified my relationships back home...a solidity I would need later on in my journeys.
